Square peg

Everyone has heard the description, "square peg in a round hole", meaning someone just doesn't quite fit in with the people around them. It's not a negative description, just a way of saying that someone is not like everyone else. Ultimately, I think we're all like this. We're never going to be JUST like the people around us. Everyone has idiosyncrasies that make them unique and yes, different.

For most of my life, this has been where I feel the most attacked in my spiritual life. I come from a whole family of square pegs, and I have been taught that it's okay to be different. However, Satan plays on my insecurity about being not as pretty, not as thin, not as talented, not as spiritual, not as funny, not as stylish, not as wealthy...and the end result is me feeling pretty bad about myself. I know the truth, and know what God says about me, and still I struggle with believing that I am a worthy child of God.

Or, sometimes it's not an insecurity issue...it's a mind issue. Satan knows that I overprocess everything. He can't read my mind (did you know that? Satan cannot read our minds!) but he can lead my thoughts by lying to me. Lies he tells me are along the lines of this, "you're different. and that's bad", or "you're a fake, and everyone knows it", or "how on earth do you think you contribute anything to the world you're in? you stay home all day! you're worthless". And I get these thought in my head, and forget to "take every thought captive to make it obedient to Christ (2 Cor 10:5)" and then start overprocessing...remembering every conversation I've had recently and wondering how my worthlessness affects those that I have relationships with.

I want to be at a place where nothing bothers me. Where I don't get frustrated by a simple conversation. Where I can relax and be myself and not give a thought to others and what they are thinking (because, most likely, they're not thinking about me!). I want to not worry that I don't look like a proper mom who always has a beautiful home, good food to eat, clean, neat, well dressed children who go to the right schools and play with the right friends. I want to be able to throw a football or go fishing with my husband instead of sitting and talking about "women stuff". Again...it's that square peg thing. I think God made me and everybody in the world special and unique. I think we each have so much to offer. Some are leaders, some are really good at following. Some are hostesses, some are cooks. Some are friendly, some are shy, but good listeners. And all of these are wonderful, when used to glorify God. I want to be at a place where I value every person for who God made them to be...and more importantly, see myself as God sees me and not think about how I appear to others.

I've had to take several breaks while writing this, so it may be bumpy and disjointed...but I hope I got the point across. To quote Bob the Tomato, "God made you special, and He loves you very much!"